Carried by Grace

A Calm and Stillness

She's been well acquainted in 3rd speech dialogue.

 Relaying experiences as though experienced by others other than herself. 

Staying objective in an effort to avoid being subjective.

She chooses not to do so today, today she will unmask herself and speak in 1st speech dialogue.

2018

A year that afforded me a roller-coaster of emotions, lessons and battles. 

A year that stripped me of everything I thought I had or knew. 

A year that passed like the blink of an eye but with scars that'll last a lifetime.

A year that unapologetically taught me, "there's more to life".

It is a year that buried me but in being a seed, I was only planted.

I have uprooted as a smarter, stronger and braver woman.

I have uprooted with horizons deepened and broadened.

I have uprooted with heightened pinnacles to reach.

Grace

 I am a product of Grace.

It has carried me from despair to a hope of a brighter tomorrow.

It has carried me from utter loss to unfathomable gain.

It has carried me from rags to riches.

It has carried me from a heart failed and bruised to a life renewed.

It has carried me from a life unfulfilled to a life densified.

Yesterday is gone but tomorrow beckons me.

I am a life full of scars but I am a life beautiful with lessons.

I am subject to mortal err but I am no victim of circumstance.

I have had setbacks but like a ray of sunshine I will always breakthrough.

You ain't seen nothing yet, this is #20NiceThings

-I am Pam, The Nubian Goddess, An African Woman of Substance-

Still I Rise...

BEAUTIFUL & BOLD

Battered and bruised, still I rise

Broken, torn and beaten, still I rise 

Rise I can and rise I will because even amidst my circumstance I am not its product and neither am I its victim.

Like oceans deep and tides wide, I rise like crashing waves.

Like gravel set on ground and destined for trampling, like dust I rise.

With terror and fear handed as gifts, like a breaking dawn so wondrously clear, still I rise. 

I am uprooted from pain and gloom and like a shooting star I continue to rise.

They have laughed, they have scorned, tried to shoot me with their words and cut me with their hate but like the air, I continue to rise.

A platform had been set, a ramp prepared and an engine fueled for a rise so majestic that many gaze in awe.

I am bold, I am beautiful, I am black, I am brave and all I have ever known is to rise. 

Rise to leaps and bounds unmatched, destinations undiscovered and breaths unfathomable.

CONTENTMENT

I soar on eagles wings, uplifted and carried by my Redeemer.

I have no fear, no shame and no limitations.

I rise higher than birds.

I am blessed, blessed beyond measure nor imagination.

I am strong, strengthened in meekness.

I rise up unafraid.

I am a queen inaugurated to a throne

A throne not set on mortar nor clay

I rise and remain risen.

-I am Pam, The Nubian Goddess, An African Woman of Substance-

Reflections of a Queen

INNATE MIRROR

Queen, for too long you have viewed yourself through the social mirror, measuring your outputs on baselines set by the universe, not that the universe is entirely to be blamed as this disposition has been a function of your decisions and not your condition.

Queen, you have been battered and bruised from preconditions and built in paradigms. You have put yourself under pressure where there has been no pressure at all. You have seen scars where there have been none, scrubbed where there was no dirt and repaired where there was never any damage.

You have longed for things your soul never desired, set pinnacles your inner sense could not relate to, ran a race which was never marked for you and entangled yourself in judgement which was never true. Truth is, for too long you have tried to fit in where there was never any space for you.

Queen, it is time to shatter this deceitful mirror which has given an obscured view for far too long. It is time to take the shards and build an innate mirror. One which speaks to your true self, one which reflects your subtle beauty and sophisticated strength. One which gives view of predestined destinies coming to fruition.

Queen, it is time to see the lioness in you. To cease the moment and say I am who I am, I am strong, bold and beautiful. I am wonderfully and fearfully made. I am worth more than rubies, I am that Proverbs woman and more. I am not a trend but a legacy, I am not my feelings nor moods but an empress in touch with her inner soul and identity.

Phakama Mbokodo, iXhesha Lifikile - Rise Precious Gem, Your Time Has Come!

QUEEN, UNPACK THAT BAGGAGE 

-I am Pam, the Nubian Goddess, An African Woman of Substance-

Blossoms in June

PICTURESQUE BLOSSOMS

As a South African living in South Africa, June to me means Winter. It brings the anticipation of cold mornings, misty days and dark early nights. 

The universe has taught that no good can come from darkness and oft times Winter is looked upon with gloom, without hope of anything beautiful or bright blooming...

I will liken June to a season in one's life...

June, I was weary of you, I was told of your coldness and gloom. June, I anticipated your coming with somber emotions, I thought you had no good to offer, that you would possess me, make me yours and remove all light in me. June, I thought you would snatch me from my walls of warmth and leave me out in the cold to freeze myself to sleep. June I had expected you to be a dark cloud, overshadowing me all the time.

Boy was I wrong...

June, you taught me that even in the cold, my breath remains warm, that my heart will continue to pump warm blood into my vessels. June, you beauty, your quaint breeze tantalized my senses and awoke my goosebumps. You read my skin like braille while I wrote poetry about your picturesque motions, swirls and twirls.

You're not easy like a Sunday morning but you're beauty is like Paris in Spring time.

-I am Pam, The Nubian Goddess, An African Woman of Substance-

Newness Of Life

How often have you heard the saying, "If God has brought me to it He will get me through it"? Do you look at challenges as refining experiences or the contrary?

It's been about 3 months since I published an article and so much has happened in those 3 months, almost a newness of life...

See I choose to see challenges as forerunners for blessings rather than blessings as forerunners for challenges. I have been through the fiery furnace and have I not come out renewed?!

God places us in circumstances we deem unreal and almost unbearable but who are you to determine you're not strong enough and could never get through whatever hurdle you've been curbed with? Are you not made of His image, possessing the same power He does?

So often in life we underestimate ourselves, feel less than what we should, get blinded by what is not over what is, we look beyond and fail to see what is right before us, we're quick to say we can't before even fathoming we can, we doubt our faith before doubting our very doubts.

In the 3 months I have been away I have been challenged, I have been blessed, I have lost a loved one but regained her as an eternal spiritual companion, I've descended only to be elevated, I've lost and gained, I've cried and laughed, felt weak and unable only to be uplifted and stronger than my weaknesses, I have been exposed to raw truth but fallen in love with it's brutality, I have felt alone in a crowd but have learned to enjoy my own company, I felt like I was losing myself at some point but, but I have gained a newness of life.

Like kinks and coils that go through different stages and phases of their growth life cycle, so are our lives and the patterns they follow.

It is your journey and refinement, you are a gem that takes its own form and shape, you exude beauty and strength from your uniqueness.

You are a rebirth that keeps evolving...

-I am Pam, The Nubian Goddess, An African Woman of Substance-

...Nirvana...

EXHALE

At any stage of your life, have you ever reached a state where it didn't matter what happened around you but you just had peace, love and happiness in your heart? 

It didn't matter who did what to upset you or said what to demean you, it just had no effect on you? Where all you wanted to do was just smile with gladness in your heart and say "it's all good, I'm grateful for love and life"?

Have you ever exhaled and just felt so much lighter with your next inhalation? Have you ever felt the deep desire to forgive even without an apology? To live and appreciate, to embrace and laugh foolishly? 

Have you ever had a burning impression to love yourself more than what you have come to? To review, ignite and invest in yourself?

Have you ever reached a state of enough is enough, what the heck, I matter too, what about me, what about what makes me happy, what ignites my soul, drives and fulfills me? A state of I am taking this time to love me and perfectly so??

FIND YOUR NIRVANA

In Hinduism and Buddhism, "nirvana" is considered "a place of perfect peace and happiness, like Heaven. It is the highest state a person can attain, a state of enlightenment."

Although it should not be so, in life we allow so many factors to punish, hurt, embarrass and even take away from us and who we are. I for one have endured more than I should've, settled when I knew I shouldn't have, gave way where I shouldn't have, opened doors I knew I shouldn't have but, but, I am not regretful or resentful. The peace I feel today would not be as pleasurable had I not gone through those experiences and walked those thorny paths.

Tata Madiba said, "There is no passion to be found playing small, in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living." Further, it is my believe that to appreciate the sweetness, I need to experience the bitterness, to acknowledge the light, I need to embrace the dark, to levitate I need to gravitate, gravitate to a more supernal state.

I am working towards my nirvana, my place of perfect peace and happiness. A place that'll constantly remind me that I am worth every bit of all the love I gave but never received in return, that'll remind me I could've kept it all but then I wanted to make the world whole. A place that'll allow me to step over clovers to breathe in the gardenias always fulfilling my lungs with sweet brevity and replace reality for just a moment. A place that'll remind me I am a flame and not carbon because carbon stays and flame always rises.

I realize that nirvana is not a place out there but a constant journey within me...

-I am Pam, The Nubian Goddess, An African Woman of Substance-

An Open Letter To My Love: Nompumelelo Masibi

INFINITE

Dear Mpumz,

It is always said that in life some come for a season and some for a reason. In our instance, I can only hope it is for infinite seasons and endless reasons.

It was back in 2010 when I met you for the very first time. We were both young, unmarried, no kids, no employment, fresh out of school with a bag full of dreams and hopes.

Was it love at first sight? I cannot exactly recall but I don't think so. We were both shy at first and being Christian's of the same faith there was this irrational fear that one would be judged if we were to honestly share our shortcomings, but like any other relationship, we have matured and grown so beautifully into our friendship, or what I would like to call it, our sisterhood.

In dark days you have consistently been my light, in somber rainy days you have taught me to dance in the rain whilst never failing to make me laugh, in good days you have been there to gallop under the sunshine with me, in reaching milestones and pinnacles, you have been there to cheer me on and celebrate with me, when I have been wrong you have lovingly called me out, when I've been right you've likewise acknowledged with a warm smile.

People have come into my life and left without a trace, however, in my heart I have found your footprints which have been etched and are living proof that you have always been there and so consistent in your love for me.

In you I have found a sister, a confidant, a best friend, a mentor, a healer, an angel without wings and one who will love me without reservations.

Thank you for staying consistent in an ever changing world, thank you for loving me for who I am in an ever opportunistic and hungry world and thank you for taking my heart and caring for it as your own,

Countless as the sands of the sea, is my never failing love for you...